I'm so excited...And I just can't hide it

I feel like I have so much to say about this sweet boy of mine and I just don't even know where to begin...but I want to get it out, because I want to remember this day. I want to remember this boy. I want to remember the ways God is working in his life. I want to remember how the Lord humbled me and clearly said to this weary mommy heart of mine that He's got it under control.

I've shared several times before about how Christian is my "difficult" child. I'm not saying that to be mean or embarrass him one day, I'm just being real. Just sharing the truth of our everyday lives. Christian is fragile...you never know what's going to set him off or what kind of mood he's going to wake up in. Most of the time he wears me out. He challenges me constantly and his daddy too. He makes me work hard :) which is good because motherhood is not for the faint of heart. His behavior keeps me humble and discipline is very frequent in our home (and I hate that, but it's true). So I pray and pray and discipline and pray and talk and talk and admonish and teach and pray and cry and yell (remember I'm just keeping it real) and pray and teach and discipline and....I wonder if it ever does any good.

And then there was today.

We were eating lunch and I started talking about how much fun it's going to be when Christian is in Kindergarten because he'll get to stay there all day and eat lunch with his friends. And Christian's lower lip began to quiver and the next thing I knew he was sobbing in my arms telling me how much he loved me and needed me and how he wants to eat lunch with me everyday FOREVER :) And I know that might not sound like a big deal to some of you but it was so refreshing to see that hard little boy melt in my arms.

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And then later Christian and McKenna were watching Caillou's Christmas because McKenna is obsessed with Caillou and we've seen every single other episode of Caillou about 30 times so we were watching his Christmas movie. I was sitting in the kitchen working on some stuff and Christian came in and said "Mommy is Santa for real?"

~Warning this is controversial~

And I said, "No sweetie. You know that Santa was a real person a long time ago but that we just pretend Santa at Christmas." (Yes, I know...we're like the only people in the whole world who don't do Santa with our kids...but that's another blog post).

And Christian starts crying and I'm worried that maybe he's crying because he wants Santa to be real. And I'm feeling like the worst mom in the world for ruining my child's Christmas even though we've always told Christian that Santa is pretend. When I asked him why that made him sad he said; "I was just hoping Santa was real because then the poor kids would all get toys for Christmas, but since mommies and daddies pretend to be Santa they won't get toys because their mommies and daddies don't have any money."

And I was shocked. He was crying for the poor boys and girls because he was worried that they weren't going to get toys for Christmas? Really? Thank you Jesus...he does listen to me sometimes. The "poor box" as he calls it, that we've been filling for months now for Operation Christmas Child has been teaching him to think of others. He usually puts his happy meal toys in there and he always wants to buy the "poor kids" stuff at the store, but I didn't really know that he actually cared about them. So we had this wonderful discussion about how the Bible tells us that it's our responsibility (not Santa's) to take care of the poor children and then we talked about different ways that we could do that and he felt much better and is so excited to pack our Operation Christmas Child boxes!! I can't wait either!

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And lastly...this is what I never want to forget!!! I was hanging up some stuff in Christian's room (I'll have to post a picture...so cute...yes, I've finally decided to hang up some stuff on the walls of this townhouse...anyway...) So I was hanging something up and I messed up because I didn't have a level and I have no idea where our level is and I was getting frustrated. And I heard Christian whispering over in the corner by his train table and I thought I heard him say "amen." So I asked him what he was saying and he told me he was too "shy" to tell me. So I asked him if he was praying and he said "yes." And after talking about it for a minute he told me that he actually prays all the time. Of course I was skeptical and I asked him when the last time was that he prayed other than right then and he told me that he just prayed in the shower.

OH MY WORD!!! Here I am struggling so much with him just begging the Holy Spirit to work on him and my prayers actually are being heard. I mean of course I know that God hears my prayers, but for so long I've felt like they weren't really making a difference. But God is working on his little heart, drawing him to him. Christian has a real, honest to goodness relationship with Jesus, which I think is so profound and exciting for a four year old. I had some suspicions back in the summer when Christian asked Jesus into his heart on his own, but I didn't really know that Christian prayed to Jesus on a regular basis, but tonight he told me a whole list of things he's prayed about, like his booboo finger yesterday. Ohhhhh....I'm so excited!!!!!

So back to the story...do you want to know what he prayed over there in the corner? He asked Jesus to help me with my project because PopPop wasn't there to help me, and he didn't know how to help me, but he knew Jesus could help me :) And for the record, I did get it done.

I'm kind -of tempted to get up right now and do a little happy dance!!! :) That's how excited I am about the day we just had. Okay, so he did get disciplined for poking McKenna in the back of the head over and over while she was trying to watch TV. And I do believe I had to address a disrespectful voice several times. And he did tell me that the lunch I fixed him was disgusting ...but really it was a great day. I love that boy with every fiber of my being and I know the God has great plans for him! I think the Lord let me hear that little "amen" tonight just so this JOY could rise up in my heart.

And Christian, my precious first born son. Someday you're probably going to read this and I want you to know not only how much Daddy and I love you, but you have a Heavenly Father who loves you more than I could ever imagine! I know that he wants to do incredible things in and through you. I know that you are just clay in the hands of the Potter right now, but you are a masterpiece in the making and I am so thankful that I got a glimpse of the masterpiece today. I am so honored to be your mommy! I wish you could eat lunch with me everyday...FOREVER...because I love talking to you. I love knowing what your little mind is thinking. I love you! You are God's perfect gift to me!